Sakage

Found this email I sent to Matt back when I worked at Medical Manager... I've got nothing this fun to say anymore.

I thank the deity for a continuing to deliver the pain that keeps me
strong and full of unfocused rage. Classic transference. I can't
get to god so I'll take it out on everyone else. We both know how
much life sucks. You can dwell on it or you can ignore/deny it, but
you can't get past it like some would have us believe. Our main
problem is that distraction is the key to happiness and we are too
aware of truths. We can NEVER be happy. We can only lose ourselves
in mutual superiority for intermediate streches of time. Super
powers or extreme wealth are part of our meager "hope" list because
they offer us endless distraction without having to come back "down
to earth" This is our ultimate "high but I'm even sadder because I'm
starting to doubt that we will ever obtain the uber wealth goal and
let's face it exposure to radiation only makes your dick fall off,
not a super power I'd consider too great. I'm beginning to think our
only hope now is a severe head trauma tossing us into the warm
embrace of mother-profoundly-retarded. Maybe your "last hope" list
contains the added member of "true love"... even if you are right you
can be sure that your "true love" was raped and killed by bikers in a
bar last weekend. What was she doing in a bar, you ask? Sorry man
she was cheating on you.
I know you know all this but sometimes things just have to be said
anyways. You know to give us the illusion that we have some power
over the situation. Somebody get me a yardstick.

-Steve

Methinks Beckerz was there... it was on a drive home from JAX airport.

I'm in the backseat with Tori... blasting from the back speakers... for about an hour... I tried covering my ears... I tried begging for the volume to be lowered... I even tried holding my precious ears drums still with the tips of my fingers... but unfortunately by then that high pitch wailing was in my bones and it just made things worse... I could feel myself getting deafer... and it wasn't a sweet release from sound... oh no... it was like all the years of hearing I was losing being crammed into a few short minutes... like the rest of my life flashing in front of my eyes except it was my ears... and apparently my future contains a fuckton of Tori Amos concerts.

Which reminds me of some advice that my grandfather never gave me but should have:

"Son, when you go to the doctor for some hearing aids make sure he doesn't stick you with the regular aids and cut your hair faggot."

I need to find a way to capitalize on procrastination without any of the negative side effects.

I think the first step is to convince myself that an enormous task must be completed by tomorrow. This must be something not real so that when I don't get to accomplish it because I just had to do all the other tasks instead... it won't be a disaster.

Also it has to be more important than any other real task or I will attempt to do the imaginary task in procrastination of the real task. This would surely lead to something bad... like me going insane... me creating a wormhole into the dark demon dimension... me teleporting all of creation into a bunny's eye... stuff like that.

I guess the hardest part is getting myself to believe that its always due tomorrow... ever single day without my noticing that I had the same problem yesterday. This could be solved by damaging my brain in much the same way as that Guy (hehe) from Memento but I don't want tattoos so that is out.

Or maybe I should just go study for my final.

Stella had everything that she thought was permanent in her life stripped away. Every thing that she thought she knew was proved wrong... and everything she did amounted to nothing. She looked in the mirror and didn't recognize herself... and couldn't even motivate herself to wish that she was dead. The worse part is that Stella knew that everything would be made right if she just took two steps in the right direction, but Stella wouldn't or couldn't do that... and it made Stella sick of herself.

And then amazingly Stella found the strength within herself to pull out of her funk... to dust herself off and make those positive changes... she took those two steps... and the better world that she entered turned out to be a lie and a trick and she was robbed of all her worldly goods. Then there is something about drug addiction and a time machine... but I might have imagined that last part thanks to all the drugs.

But the moron of the story is of course... -=Your Advertisement Here=-

Gotta kill bitches.

I quit my job this Friday, December 17th. Freedom!

Stupidity wins... I don't think I'm ever going to get used to the majority being morons.

We should make an organization called Save Florida which basically allows people to gain a sketchy but most importantly legal voting status in Florida so that the Democrats can win it. (Any less sketch than the way things have gone in florida these last two elections?)

I'm tired of not thinking. I'm tired of not acting.

I see flaws in tolerance. It is similar to faith, intolerance, and isolationism. They are all too blind.

I'm tired of being blind. I'm tired of a society of vampires that feeds on the blind.

I'd like to think that things will work out without my help. I worry that it is arrogant to think society needs my help.

I'm unsure how to proceed. My goal? Make the world a better place. I didn't say it was going to be easy.

Step one... stop being intentionally blind.

Katie... I hope that we can still be friends...

Brian... you will be missed.

If you like penis, vagina and getting nut on your face...

Let me tell you my nigro... you've cum to the right place.

I started Summer classes this Monday. I am taking Number Theory, and Probability and Statistics I. (Which I found translates to just Probability-fine by me!) Part Jew is all Stats ofc. The professor for both classes is like this old math wizard... I feel like he wields math like magic not that he makes it obscure... in fact he goes slow and rigorously... which started to bore me until I started to pay attention to his random mumbling and I found most of them incredibly insightful. I know I'm going to find these classes easy and highly enjoyable... usually I want things to be too hard for me before they become interesting to me... its like if I can ken it... then its shit... and if I can't then it must be The Shit. Dig? Could be my low self-esteve talking..

LAMENT: AC broke so only got 5 hrs sleep... made promise that I would get to bed early... until work decided that I would have to stay two hours late and come in an hour early. Translation no sleep.

KT is in New York this weekend and my cell phone can't call her but she can call me... we have the same service (Cingular)... wtf is this shit... I'm sposed to be able to call all over the country. Its feces, the amount of misinformation allowed to be constantly piped to us... we need a ministry of truth... to bring fucking wrath to the liars. No roaming means, well no roaming... maybe after you rebuild your burned down husk of a coporate office you'll keep that in mind.

Oh yeah... no Katie for me... having withdrawels... also no Joe nor Jia... Marshall visited... but its like waving Hot n' Now in front of Astro... it just makes me twitch... then die... too bad it doesn't equate to an Astro-ratiod member. (1/2 body length)

My laptop is burning a hole in my leg which is normally endearing but sans AC its just too much heat... I want to beat it like a small child clamoring for my attention while I'm on a frustrating phone call... which reminds me...

I think I'm getting eviler... I've worried about this in the past... but now I just think of it... which is bad because it means thats its true... a good person would worry... an evil one would just find it academic... I wonder if there is an "absolute evil" or if it goes negative :) Seriously when I'm on a call with a screaming kid seriously damaging my eardrums and then the parent finally losed patience and goes on a beating spree... I find a very satisfied grin on my face... the child's sweet tears seriously bring me joy. I used to just joke around about that but now its reality. What if all my jokes turn out true... like in one of those brutally ironic Twilight Zone episodes. I think the constant exposure I have to the petty, stupid, irate, underhanded world of customer service... the more I feel my soul erroding... I try to express this to people but its impossible for them to really believe me or understand... I'm quicker to anger... and if posed with situations similar to customer service during my downtime I just snap... like if I'm asked to repeat myself for whatever reason(even legit reasons) I get insanely irrationally pissed off... mainly because people will pretend to not hear over and over when they get news they don't like while on the phone... and people will actively try to pick fights or start arguments about anything so they can feel like the person on the phone wronged them... its hard for me to not try to answer peoples questions even when they aren't interested in real answers... you know they start asking stuff like "so Comcast wants to kill my family?" and I'm like "No sir. Comcast has expressed zero interest in the family killing market. Please refer this and other excellent suggestions to the 'Contact Comcast' link on our homepage."

BUT I CANT GET ONLINE!!!

"Greaaaat!! Is there anything else I can help you with?"

YOU DIDNT HELP ME!!!

"Greaaaat!! Is there anything else I can help you with?"

*repeat*
IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! GIMME YOUR LAST NAME... KIIIIIILLL!.... IM GOING TO BLOW THAT PLACE UP SO MUCH THEY WILL RENAME THE COMPANT BOMBCAST! KALALKALKALAKLA!!!! *click*

*five minutes later they call back and I get them and they act perfectly normal*

This may seem mildly amusing... but trust me after a couple years of this day in and out... its just soul crushing.

...Must...stay...strong...finish...skool...

I think we need a cure for thirst. I'm not talking about no muthafucking drink... thats temporary shit... also could use a cure for hunger too... perhaps we could get like an uber chemical nutritional battery installed when we get old enough... then we could reroute our digestive system to be purely recreational. Hunger = pwnd.

That still leaves thirst... but now that I think about it hunger is more expensive so lets cure that one first.

It might have been the sleep dep... or perhaps my love of all that is zombie... but the new Dawn of the Dead movie was the shizznit.

I have lucid dreams where I am in zombie movies or video games... I loved the Resident Evil games... even though I got bored after the 3rd one... because they were all the same plot... I once played the first few minutes of Silent Hill... which I liked... I played the first hour or so of Silent Hill 2... which was good... but I had to turn it back in... I read the plot summary of the game and its awesome... it has more plot than any movie I've seen... and it kept me guessing which I like.

I think that when Yoda said "there is no try" he meant that you shouldn't bother trying because you are just going to fuck things up worse than they are already.

"Common sense" tells us that human decisions an actions are outside nature... science tells us that natural systems trend toward stability... sci-fi tells us that fucking with nature gets us sharks with freaking laser beams killing black people. Any well meaning or diabolical dabbling is disaster waiting... so what did we learn? Nature is good and free will is evil. Sloth is a virtue. Status quo is way to go. Heed intuition just curl up in the fetal position.

Damn this some good weed.

Got a new cell phone for 50 bucks using phone isurance... its new and under warrenty and better phone than the one I had before... yay!

Bought a Sunpass... to prepay my tolls with my credit card... means an end to scrounging for change etc... I need this because turnpike is by far the best road for me to use to go to school...25 dollars for the unit... 50 dollars on the account...yay!

Bought tickets to see Katie during my spring break... 200 bucks... yay!

Bought six months worth of car insurance... 1050 dollars... ouch!

Bought super secret belated Valentine's Day presents for Katie... to be delivered in person... priceless ;)

The Weird Science TV show is not bad... but then again I'm lame about the TV shows that I enjoy.

The weekend passed quickly...

Sunday... talked with Katie most of the day. House sat for Joe's mom. Boring.

Monday... school... BBQ at Matt's uncle Ty's... more school... test... did well I think.

Tuesday... sat around house... nothing good on TV... played Halo... wished Halo 2 was done... hands hurt after many hours of alien slaying. Had fun speaking with Katie.

Wednesday... partly-school...followed by light suidide and certain doom.

As usual I post when tired... damn that I have to wake early for school.

...I swore last time that I wouldn't housesit for Joe's mom again unless she got high speed internet. Damn me!

Get it already... when I mention stuff like that Barb makes it seem like her and Doug are living on welfare... uhn huh... not buying... get a fast connection or I kill.

I bombed my math test today... it wasn't a matter of not studying... which I didn't do... or did... or shutup... it was a matter of being so tired that all answers bubbled slowly up from the depths of my brain like the nifty bubble in Neutrogena T/gel... ooh pretty... times up! Wtf?! I'm sure I could have this done by next Friday... next time I'll remember not to work a 14hr shift at work in lieu of studying the night before... :p

I got that AIM osama evil thingy... so if you get any links from me ignore them... actually I think I have it removed... it required add/removing two programs... and deleting some registry. Shame on me for ignoring my golden rule of trust no one.

I just got the "insurance" for my cell phone which is good... if it breaks they will get me a refurbished phone for fifty bucks... seems better to me than paying 200 for a new phone or signing a two year contract to get a "free" one. I sense I will be using this insurance soon.

I'm so incredibly, horribly out of shape... I get tired breathing... I was only able to do like 10 curls last night... today I was able to do like 50 over the course of five hours... yeah pathetic... don't know why I'm so weak. Anyways... the curls are my feeble attempt to break the inertia and get my health on. I should have done crunches... but I was too lazy.

Progressive screwed up the routing number for my deposit... so basically I had no car insurance from them... even though they sent me additional paperwork and I returned that and everything seemed happy... no contact about my policy being cancelled... I noticed because I checked my bank statement and saw they didn't withdraw any money... so I called them and they were like oh yeah we cancelled that... I'm like thanks for telling me. Anyways its prolly for the best... I ended up paying for the 6 months all in one lump sum... cost me like 230 less over all. Still this month I have to tighten my belt...mainly because...

Work screwed up my paycheck again... so I helped out by walking the floor for 2.5 days... which would have been good for my paycheck if the TLs put me in for training... but they didn't... so I got minumum wage for that time which means about 140 dollars less on my paycheck. Grr.

My new shift is Thursday, Friday, and Saturday... 10am-12am. Three days on four days off.

I need to figure out how to make some extra money on my days off.

I'm watching Barb's place... until Monday.

I'm sure I mentioned how I sometimes get extremely hot... especially when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep... well I used to have a waterbad and I wouldn't use padding between me and the bed and I wouldn't use the bed's thermostat... so basically all the heat would be leeched away from my body and I would sleep in super comfy bliss... ah I miss you bed... alas my current dwelling is upstairs and not sturdy enough for a waterbed and the naughtiness that would transpire in said waterbed. *single tear*

So I have a mattress and springboard that I got for free... the problem is that it doesn't radiate the heat away from me fast enough... I sleep on my back... so my spine and neck get super hot and I think that my brain is actually starting to be damaged by the sheer amounts of heat... my gf says that you can lose brain cells during fevers... and this is much like a fever... I do know that I wake with severe headaches... and I dont feel very rested... it helps when I sleep on my side or stomach... but thats not how I sleep... so I just end up dozing like that and waking up like wtf!? why am I on my stomach... I gonna die!!!

Things would be ok if I could make my room cold enough... but our central air system much like our whole electrical system is fucked... and its a big house vs small room... not worth the money... also not worth my teeth rattling out of my head... the main AC is right outside my room... so my walls and door rattle... and sometime I feel my heartbeat syncing with a rapid counter beat and I wake freaking out because my heart is racing to catch up to the vibrations... craziness... also I can hear it and I'm a light sleeper... and the rattling gives me a headache... and actually the bed insulates too well... I could be cold on my chest but microwaving my brain... sadness.

I wonder if I could get some kind of cooling pillow... or just swap out ice packs... grr. My room is small and that is bad because I heat that shit up too quickly... I've been toying with the idea of getting a small AC unit for the window... but I'm almost as poor as I am lazy.

If I had the jumpsuit Matt and I are designing... I would just sleep in that as PJs... patent pending mofos... ok I lie.

No need to tell me... I already know its an emphatic "YES!" My older posts were at least somewhat interesting... now I just right about going to the store buying a stick of butter, some milk, a loaf of bread and a prostitute... or maybe that is jon :P

I've figured out that I'm not all that much dumber... its that with my current job I'm on the phone talking all day... mindless talk... no time for creative thought... this is part of the reason the job is destroying me. I need a job thats mentally stimulating or that allows me time to loaf and contemplate the universe and my gf's ass.(super sweet)

So strangely... as the evil of work destroys the fragile tapestry of my mind... I find the stress acting as a crucible that allows for positive change along with the debilitating mental breakdowns... I find a strength in futility... in the pointlessness of all things... I find myself considering things that I would have considered impossible for me... and actually acting on them... have I ironically found the motivation I have always lacked by finally proceeding through the looking-glass of depression? "Ironic as fuck!" Perhaps by giving up on changing the world I have final gained the power to invoke change. Poopoo pants poopoo pants.

I still want my coffin... no I'm not some goth fuxor... I just like a controlled environment for my sleeping. I could hook a small AC plus thermostat in the coffin and it would keep me cool for very few dollars... I would use one of the ultra efficient AC units that arent so... styrofoam cup. Also my coffin would be well shielded from sound... and perhaps fireproof in case someone yells "fire" and the soundproofing is too good... and comfy... padded walls, roof.. etc... you know what... I want a fat bastard piano coffin... so that I can have KT in there with me... if she gets too cold she can snuggle me. Did I mention the TV in the lid? yeah... and its got a full media bar... DVDs, mp3s etc. How about it science?

Actually I considered making this for myself long ago... perhaps now that I have newfound motivation I can actually work on this project... surround sound... mother of god... this coffin idea gets better every time I think about it.

Should I make it out of wood? I need to watch to home improvement channels to learn me some skills. Dont want a splinter in me sac.

Nite nice people.

I have a new work schedule:

Tuesday-Saturday 8am-4pm.

I get to leave for a couple of hours on Wed and Fri to go to class. I will prolly work late on Wed to make up those hours.

Thanks to the switch I got 4 days off work... nice... I slacked on Friday... I talked with KT all day Saturday while we both slacked... I solo-slacked most of Sunday catching up on a small amount of Modern Algebra homework. Monday I hope to get most of my Numerical Methods lab completed.

Time for sleep.

Completed all 300 missions of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. I would have finished sooner if I had realized that reading the Rumors triggers new missions. Its a fun game... but I was merely going through the motions for the last 75 missions.

The game is awesome... but I will note some sections that could have been better.

The Law System: Some people think that it adds an element of strategy to the game... some people are morons. The problem is that you and the computer can do anything that is against the law... The menu system makes it annoying to check the laws so I tend to not bother and get caught... then I reset the game because I can't stand losing a stat point. Whats really amusing besides the fact that the computer loses nothing by breaking the law is that some opponents have a special status that makes it so they are less penalized... uhm less than zero? Actually its so they can break the law and kill one of your guys with impunity... lame. It would have been nice if you just couldn't do anything that was illegal... like those options were gray with that law in effect... that would add strategy... also it would make cards that add laws actually useful... or perhaps if the computer breaks the law you get bonus money or items when the battle is over... or make more of the battles have set unchangable laws like the palace battles.

Stealing: You can steal full suits of armor but you can't steal shoes?

Jobs: Some classes suck... Soldier is completely useless...it gains HP the best but the other stats are bad enough to make it worthless... it has no useful abilities. Warrior the Bangaa version of Soldier at least has good enough stats to make it an option for leveling... still has bad abilities. Illusionists are slow and don't do enough damage to really make them worth it... maybe as a backup ability set... but I didnt want to risk leveling as one...etc. Yadda yadda... I really like this job system...perhaps slim down the number of jobs and make them more unique.

Hmm perhaps if you were given the option to level up in any class of you had access to... yeah that would be better... it would take much of the annoyance factor out of the game.

Hunting: Max percent chance of hunting is 24%... this is lame(re:45 minutes to capture one monster)... if you want to slow things down initially thats ok... but add a special item that you get really late game that gives you like 75% chance to hunting... or 100% when something is asleep.

Final Boss: Everything up to this point is cake... then she chain casts Totemas so that you die in two or three turns... thats stupid... there should be some way to counter or defend against this to make the battle actually interesting... they forced me to chain cast Totemas myself and kill her before she moved.

Almost all the fights are either 4 on 4 or 6 vs 6... uhm it would have been neat to have more variety... sure there a one-on-one and a few 4 vs. 1... but it would have been cool to see more 10 vs 10... or even 4 vs 10... it could have made things a little more challenging.

Game Text: This games has the worst of both worlds with regards to dialogue... its slow AND it doesn't always pause at the end when someone talks... so no glancing away during the 15 minute streches of heartfelt lameness... might miss some actual plot. I recommend pauses at the end of all sentences... and it displaying instantly when you click the button... for those of us that can read 3 words in under a minute.

Leveling: It can be annoying... when people offer to join you their level is the same the average level of your clan members... perhaps there should be an option to pay a hefty fee that would level neglected characters up to that average. That way its not easier just to ditch characters that you've neglected for a while for new already leveled characters... its easier to gain abilities than levels thanks to dispatch missions... so previously earned abilities dont matter... unless you are a blue mage... speaking of....

Blue Mages: You can only learn abilites that are cast on you... so basically forcing us to capture monsters and force them to attack our own people so that they can learn the abilities... or just keep hitting wait and crossing our fingers. It would be less annoying if the blue mages could learn any abilities cast during combat... not just ones cast on them.

Argh... its insanely late... I'm a moron.

Phatjoe once convinced me that advertisors create this false sense of need and then claim to be able to fill that need when you "consume."

Often when I find myself bored and alone... I get the urge to eat something... even when I'm not hungry... even if I'm full! Sometimes I spot this and laugh at myself for falling prey their tricks... but its evil. Matt always says that he must purchase goods and services every day... he is kinda joking except not because he does actually do it every day...

I think about all the unhappy people... that feel like they are missing something in their lives... I used to figure this was a result of the survival instinct... the "get more stuff" urge that supposedly leads to more security etc... but now I consider that entire industries are designed to inflate that "get more stuff" urge into a "YOU NEED MORE STUFF!" attitude. This is unhealthy. Look at the way we are rapidly becoming a fat bastard nation... think about all the people that take it to extremes and spend all their money on random things instead of what they really could use etc. Its scary.

The government has many laws that are designed to protect us... even from ourselves... I think that this psychological form of advertisement should be made illegal. I think of it as psychological pollution at best and a direct psychological attack at worst.

On that note I will go buy some ice cream because I am alone and bored and full.

21 Grams... good movie but each scene is like only one minute long... which is interesting and well done... however I kept feeling like each scene was a commercial with its own message... and I kept thinking about the different catch phrases... like "Jesus: the eternal crutch!" etc.

I'm not sure if I told you all that everything I ever learned about women I learned from "Fist of the North Star"... its true... watch and learn. I wouldnt recommend the TV series it seems like a million outakes from the movie... "Ah could we do that again... I'm sure I can make him blow up faster?!"

That makes me think of the whole alternate universe thing that a lot of anime series seem to do... after much deliberation I think I dont like it... yeah sure we get to have all the same characters we know and love back... but uhm I like things to make at least some sense... I mean you can really have much character development without some kind of stable timeline... also the plotlines seem to degrade with each iteration until inevitably its all the same characters but now they are in high school together... uhm half of these people are aliens... shit you even have the dark overlord guy back as a bully ganking lunch money... lame. Write a true sequal you lazy asian fucks.

Sorry to harp on FotNS:TV but I'm watching it... its lame because Ken starts in uber powerful mode and never encounters anyone he cant kill in one second... but he always uses his delayed death thing for dramatic effect except he always does it... so its played.

Did I mention I'm immense and immortal?

So KT bought me a GBA with FFTA and Super Mario World... and she was slightly worried that I would play too much and neglektor her... but when we were driving around she ended up playing while I drove and she got so addicted that when she got back to CT she bought herself a GBA and two games... she just finished Korean-ing Super Mario World... getting all the stars etc. *beams with pride* I'm glad she took a shine to video games I was worried I was going to have to get a chip implanted in her head....

Didnt get much homework done this week... I tried to get the things I needed to hang clothes in my closet... but my closet is very narrow so I need to get a smaller rod... hmm... the rod is small I might be able to cut it to length with an axe... now if I only had an axe.

I did succeed in moving our entertainment center to the corner of our living room... this required moving lots of random junk and moving a heavy peice of furniture alone... then I dusted and cleaned with pledge... went to walmart got some audio/video cables and re-configured our entertainment setup. Looks better... has more functionality.

I need to get Matt or Kt (my interior decorators) to take a look at the place now and give me some pointers... so sleepy...

They brought in a new TL from outside the account... and he was already a dick to me.

I really hate management when they hire from without to put someone in charge of people. It seems like a huge slap in the face to all the people that work there.(not just me) I guess the managers want things to be better and they figure... oh if anyone of these people could have done it better they would have already... so they must be fucking morons that need more guidance. When really the truth is... if people just started doing things that would make more sense... management would fire them. Don't rock the boat... let no good deed go unpunished etc. Fucking fuckers. What I end up doing is secretly finding ways to make my job more efficient... but sometimes I just get so disgusted I just have to say something... I can't let things go... so...

I sent the big boss lady and email asking her if she would like to hear some of my ideas about how to make things better... she agreed to speak with me and I can't objectively guess how things went... she seemed receptive... she wrote shit down... I actually don't care if anything comes of it... because its out of my hands... it was a moral dilemma for me... I couldn't just work each day knowing better ways to things without saying something... *shrug* ok in a while it will piss me off if nothing comes of it... but I think Matt was right when he said... "Man you gotta quit that job... and blow them up." (Its on record now!)

Work is busy again... we hired mad people and now there are 150 people on our account. I've been playing TL again and its been nice to get off the phones.

One of the TLs quit so it looks like they will need two with all the extra people... maybe they will make me a REAAAL BOY... hehe.

I'm crazy insomniac... I can't sleep ever... I lie down... toss and turn forever then maybe catch and hour or two of coma then I wake up before my alarm goes off... futilely attempt to got back to sleep for an hour or so then get up and shower and begin day. Perhaps I am going insane.

I'm consuming books instead of sleep... in between books I'll read like a page or two a day of the Bachman books... btw the Long Walk reminds me of why Stephen King is one of the best writers... ever. Great writing leaves you reeling... feeling insane for days... weeks after you read it... I first got that feeling by reading Lovecraft... thank you touchofgrey... then when I read old King like.... Salem's Lot or Skeleton Crew... etc. One of Dean Koontz's books did that to me... I wont say which one... I'm trying to think if any other book fuxed up me head... but the battery on lappy top is going... I should be sleeping anyway.

I've had the hiccups for the last 8 hours... and they are V-hiccups that almost make me puke every 3rd or 4th event. I keep trying to eat and drink things to fix it... but it just makes it harder not to yak.

It was really bad at work because if I focus I could control them... but when I had to answer peoples questions it would strike mid-syllable so that I sounded like I had a speech impediment. People were thinking how nice of Comcast to hire the candyhapped.

I ate so much food today I feel like the chubmaster general.

Masters of the Universe is da shizznit.

Lesson: I needed razors so I thought hey... I'll buy some cheap publix razors and at $1.89 I figured if I get 3 days worth of shaves per razor it would be a good deal... well you get zero decent shaves with these razors... I would do better taking steak knives and scraping them across my face. Buy the expensive razors!

On that note off to butcher my face.

Its been a long time since my last confession... I've been busy with switching over to a new work schedule.

Sun-Wed 3pm-11pm

This means I will get more sleep... I thought this would be a good thing but I'm not so sure now.

Anyways I wanted to post before butit was daunting because I had so much to report... then I remembered I don't like reports so I didnt bother... I will shorten things...

It was good to see my friends during the holidays but I had shitty work the whole week so it fucked it all up... I felt starved... not enough joe, kt, marshall, becky... etc. I tried to work everyone in but I think I only succeeded in making everyone feel left out... doh.

I had a huge fight with KT... then another less volitile but somehow worse fight with her. Now things are in healing mode I think, but things are still tense. Its going to be rough as long as we are so far apart. :(

So now I'm only taking two classes with the new work schedule... I've got Numerical Analysis 2 and Modern Algebra. I'm doing the Modern Algebra... independent study otherwise I wouldn't be able to fit it into my schedule. I know I'm lame because I'm super excited about the Numerical Analysis class... yes we are doing partial pivoting, Marshall... I need to find some way to retain this knowledge I feel its the most import stuff I've learned ever.

Ok the fifth Dark Tower book was probably the best one yet... Thankie Sai!! Now I'm pissed that the other two aren't out yet... I think he said that he has finished them already... stop holding out mofo... give us the sweet sweet candy!

I'm feeling that tornado of emotion where I'm somehow on an upswing and downswing at the same time.

Saw the movie Versus last night... it was good... the camera action was downright awesome at times... I think with a few small modifications it could have been a great movie.

Thank you Katie for the GBA that I've been playing constantly. (ditto Joe) I was playing while driving... and I almost died... in real life not the game.

Thank you Becky for the book I'm reading... Dark Tower five baaaaabeeee.

Thank you Marshall for the DVD Freddy got Fingered... one of those movies that grows on you until you think its the ultimate.

And Fuck everyone who didnt gimmie!!! Just kidding I never expected such a haul... thanks again.

I had much fun hanging with Joe, Marshall, Katie and Becky... even though shitty work made it so that I didn't get to see you all nearly enough. I didn't get to see Jodi and Jia... sadness is.

I'm going to change my work shedule... this current one sucks ass... and it no longer is sweet for school... also I'm changing my plans for next semester... methinks I'm going to only take two classes instead of 3... it will fit better with the two "best fit" schedules I could get for work.

I plan to instead study quasi-diligently for the first two Actuarial exams and take them this Spring... I figure after the exams I will have a better answer to this question "is this for me?" From what I'm told these exams are essentially courses unto themselves so I can hit the snooze on the slacker alarm going off in my brain.(for now)

Visited with my father and grandfather today... it was strange to have just the three of us first borns for 3 generations all together.

Strangly pleasant... strangly disturbing... disurbingly pleasant... etc.

How many spin cycles can my laundry have?

Joe is here... Marshall is here... KT is here... I have work so I have no time for any of them.

Still Joe drew first blood by arriving first... we played some Vampire card game... he kicked my ass... although I basically screwed myself by overextending the second game... I wasnt thinking like a vampire... not long term enough.

Katie and I exchanged gifts... my presents felt lame even though I tried really hard. Katie got me a Gameboy Advanced and Final Fantasy Tactics as well as Mario something 2... Joe got me Warrio-ware... as well as another Gameboy Advanced... Katie now hates me and Joe because she feel like here gift was spoiled... I say no way... she got me the game I really wanted... now what to do with the extra Gameboy... I leant the one I opened to Kt so she could have fun... I'm too busy at work for that.

I've been extremely tired recently... no energy. It comes in severe waves... usually at work or on the way to work... argh I need to find more sleep... or better job... I think they might have fired one of the other TLs on my account... not sure. Strange considering they just hired a bunch more people... I'm worried if things are weird I wont be able to work in the 3 classes I want to take next semester.

Happy Christmas

ENC 1101 COLLEGE WRITING I A
MAD 2104 DISCRETE MATHEMATICS A
MAD 3400 NUMERICAL METHODS A
MAS 2103 MATRIX THEORY A

Signed up for membership at Hollywood Video... I had to give them insane amounts of information about me... there is no way I'm ripping those guys off.

This will give me an alternative to Blockbuster which seems to always fail me when I'm looking for a specific movie.

I rented a bunch of movies no one else would watch with me... Shanghai Knights, Malibou's Most Wanted, and Bad Boys 2.

Had fun talking with KT alot tonight... then we fought... and then I had more fun talking with her. KT asked me about how I masturbate and she secretly recorded me talking about how I glue razor blades to my fingers and then scrape the razors along the shaft sideways so that it doesnt slice but it does scrape off the outer layer of skin... then I rub some butter on it and it stings..."oh it hurts so good baby!" I hope she keeps that shit on tape... I was busting a gut at the tone in my voice... there was another graphic story where she peels my penis like a banana and give head to the meaty sponge part and then stiches me up. Bad little monkey.

Brian is in town... for some reason... but who cares... it was fun hanging with fellow sick fucks like matt and brian... honing my sick fuck skills... etc.

I dreamed my way home I was so tired.

My final final is today. I haven't studied although I should... I can barely focus... I've been sick since this weekend... I even managed to do well on my Num Methods test despite being at my sickest... still I should study some... I think I will go get publix sub and attempt to rouse myself.

I just wanted to post... I have nothing to say... maybe I would have something to say if I were able to gather my thoughts... but probably not.

Woke up sick. I've been drinking liquids nonstop which has helped my throat. Sad news is that I have my final for Numerical Methods tomorrow morning. Studying has been slow going... :/

I'm going to study for another half an hour then get some sleep.

If you have a Spanish test soon... then good luck to you :)

I chose a 2 hour recovery nap over going to my last class of Matrix Theory... I did miss the test, but its only a regular one(Final is next Thursday) and we get one test grade dropped... so I traded it for some magic sleep. I'm out of the red zone and back into the yellow...

I have my Discrete Math Final tomorrow... think I'm going to try to get there early and do a 20 min power study. I should be able to get the A without studying, but this will get me out of the test earlier.

My super gay teal undershorts that few have seen just gave up the ghost... I look like some ragamuffin jigalo with my crotchless shorts with random bonus holes.

Now for the sleeping portion of our show.

I finished my final paper for Engrish... yay... its not so bad... cannot say if it will score me the A.

I had mucho fun hanging out with Becky, Sam, and Jia. It was nice to meet Jia again... she lent me a book!!! We played Boggle... I sucked as predicted... Jia pwned us all... though Sam and Becky were much better than I. Then Jia introduced us to Snaps... and everyone figured out the secret except me... I was close... I was tired so lay off!

I went to Spanksgiving Two with Dave at Christine's place... good food, but all we did was watch movies... movies I had seen... recently... and didn't like much.

I got to talk to my gf a bunch one day... forget which... was good.

Think I'm only going to be able to fit in 3 classes this next semester... ah well.

I need to go shopping for my gf... I know exactly what I want to get her... just need to go buy. Perhaps Matt will go consuming with me.

Been playing Nethack with my monk... I've been savescumming something fierce, but I've learned tons more that I ever would have by not cheating. I don't count this game...but it will definately help me out when I play for real. BTW the game does some seriously shitty stuff. Some things I still have no clue how to get past without maybe dying... alot.

I read the first book in the Star Wars: New Jedi Order... its by Salvatore(Dark Elf Trilogy)... and it was good. A good weekend all in all.

Need more books...

I got home from work early... and I read to my gf from the Neverending Story... which is kinda true because she fell asleep after two pages... pages that I read to her before and she didnt remember... hehe... so cute.

I played FFTA on a Gameboy Advanced Emulator... I think I would rather get a real Gameboy Advanced because its more portable than my lappy top... and I don't have to deal with glitchy emulation.

I tried playing a Ranger Elf in Nethack... it didn't work out for me... I think I need to upgrade my skills... gonna go back to Monk.

Going to do Spanksgiving with the family this year...

Tired but can't sleep... no creative energy... don't wanna play games... don't wanna study math... grr... smell like ketchup... might be hallucinating... no books to read... thats what I need fucking books... gimmie! I need to find a cheap ass used bookstore and buy 30 random scifi/fantasy books... ooh I know... I want to read Micheal Moorcock books... need!!! Where to find?

I downloaded a Gameboy Emulator to save some cash... I'll prolly start playing Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced mid December... I'm afraid to even run the rom lest I become enraptured and fail all my finals.

I love my girlfriend more than phatjoe loves his girlfriend... *neener*

Watching "Sleepless Nights." Its a B vampire movie... not bad so far.

I'm too tired to work on my paper... and not tired enough to sleep. I think/hope its not due till Wednesday.

Argh... cheesy vampire love scenes.

I'm a sucker(heh) for vampire movies in general... one of the few that I would recommend avoiding is called "The Brotherhood"... it turns out its a gay vampire movie that is light on the vampire but heavy on the gayness... so keep that in mind if you are thinking about renting it.

I like the cheesy look to this movie... I think Resident Evil would have been "scarier" if were flimed more grainy... dark and with weird angles like the game.

I just got finished playing about 4 hours of Nethack... I have the cute graphically spiffy version. Since I finished my scheduled homework for the day I could waste the time without any guilt... no guilt I say!

I played Yo-gi-oh on the PS2... horrid game plot... but the strategy was fun. I still havent played Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced Super Fun Game yet... that would require me buying a gameboy advanced... which I would love to buy... but I should really save my money to spend on my gf.

Zzz...

MC Resty-D in the house. Got adequate amounts of sleep, finally correcting the imbalance of the week.

The Recchi bros are in California visiting Laura. So no hanging out with the Steve. *single tear*

I have another annoying Num Methods lab to do this weekend... this one is only three problems long and I've done about half of it already so... I think I'll try to get that done tonight. That would leave Sunday to write my paper for English. Ok lets do this.

Katie says that I never tell anyone that I love her.

I love Katie.

She lies.

Livejournal posts from my friends are showing up sporadically... I'll check religiously for a few days with only one or two new posts from my friends... then the next day boom its like a whole week went by... this used to happen to me before I had a paid account... and since I let my account expire a few months ago I suspect I'm back on the ghetto servers.

Add to list of things to do:
Upgrade Livejournal accout.

I'm doing well in school... if I work hard on this last paper I can get an A in English... I have As in all 3 math classes although depending on the teachers... I might get an A- or two. Ah well.

I signed up for three classes this coming semester:

Numerical Methods 2 - which is about approximation and error with functions. This is a very practical class that I would recommend to any person that has a job where they analyze data.

Survey of Geometry - This class seems to be all about wacky geometry... which has always been extremely interesting to me. Mr.Burke's wet dream.

Modern Algebra - also known as Abstract Algebra... when I ask what this class is about people answer with a list of topics that I've never heard about... you know... rings... stuff like that... uhm rings? I wouldn't have been able to take this class without getting a professor to let me take it independent... I sure hope this doesn't lead to buh-buh bah bum... certain doom.

I think lists are the key to absent minded people like myself getting things done. Joe is working on a todo list for me that will post in my livejournal for me... or maybe in another account that I make up... I don't know the details... but thats gonna be cool.

Now I've been thinking about a recreational list... a list of all the science fiction movies that I haven't seen and would want to see.

There were only a few on the imdb top 50 list that I haven't seen and a couple look promising.

Woke up extra early and went to work... it was horrible but not too bad... at least I got to wear my comfy clothes.

Called Katie... had a wee bit of a fight about us not getting to talk enough... went to lunch with Matt and Big Dave(half giant from work.) Matt wanted to see a movie with Mike, but I wasn't feeling it so I headed home... got a call from Cheyenne she wanted her Blue Submarine 6 DVD back and also to hang out... showered visited with them and "helped" play Soul Reaver 2... which I liked because it was basically Soul Reaver one with better graphics and better plot.

Sometimes I start to hear the electricity in the house... it starts as a hum... then I hear pulsing buzzes... then its a crazy orchestra of electronic sound... actually its more like a barrage... it starts to annoy me... and I know that Superman must be insane.

I once heard that insanity was doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results... I think you can slim it down to just doing the same thing repeatedly. Expecting certain results almost implies a belief in logical cause and effect.

Sleepy, hurts when I peepee.