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Tue, Apr. 2nd, 2013, 01:33 pm
I said Good Day (a first world problem)

Matt Recchi once complained to me about how people standardly end conversations with strangers/customers etc.
Here was the crux of his "pain":

They are killing me with kindness...
...platitudes with attitudes?

The Nice Age:
For a while it seemed like "Have a nice day!" was the standard conversation termination string.
There were pins, there were shirts, people knew how to say goodbye and goodwill was spread an nobody felt like a dumb ass for trying to be nice.
But somewhere along the line "somemany" decided that they wanted an alternative so many started using "Have a Good Day!"
This particular shift seemed to happen quietly and with no objections... even from Matt... but some were not satisfied with wishing a mere "good day" to someone... why not wish for something more... something great... enter "Have a great day!"... a polite escalation into war.

From Good to Great... or Hate

Now the following scenario started to play out across the land...
Person A: Have a good day! (All smiles... they turn to walk away... heart filled with goodwill...until...)
Person B: You have a great day!  (I imagine it echoing in person A's mind via echoeffect("great day"))

WTF?! So now Person A is caught off guard... "great day?!"... are we saying "great day" now... I mean... nice day and good day are pretty close... I'd take either depending on mood... but good vs. great?  Great is clearly superior to good in every way... fuck yeah I'll take great day any time... but damn... all I wished Person B was a shitty good day... I may as well raped his mother in front of him in comparison to the great day he just gifted me. Damn I feel like an ass...how long have I been standing here half turned away... looking like a stroke victim with my half smile-half frown face... I cant just leave it at this... better do something...

Person A: *mumbling*... sjdfsjd.... er... "you too!" ( and they shuffle off in a shameful half walk-run... embarrassed...shamed... and doubting their very ability to interact safely with others... the seed of a type 2 personality disorder lodged firmly in their soul!)

...all because Person B escalated the platitude and maybe they even had like a super cheerful sing-songy way of expressing the platitude that made it seem more than just a platitude...as if they actually do wish that Person A does have a great day?  which is even worse... how do we know the conversation is over people?!  All that real shit needs to be in the main convo.

In any case Matt considered this escalation to be tantamount to an attack... so I crafted the perfect response.

The Perfect Solution:

Imagine that instead of running away... after Person A got his great big verbal bitch slap...he accepts the challenge.

Person A:
(turns back... smile gone... joyous eyes turned cold)
great day?! great?! day?!
No not just great... you deserve so much more... I wish upon you "your perfect day".  I want today to be the absolute best day of your life... I want each day that comes after to be just a pale shadow compared to this day... I want you to always think back to today and to how much better it is than every future now... I want you to remember how before today... a good day wasn't enough for you... and great days were so plentiful you gave them away without a care...

I'll take my good day back thank you very much... and I think you should keep your great one because I suspect you are going to need it in the dark days to come you happiness bound by mere greatness.
Enjoy your perfect day! (optional: You perfect son of a bitch!)

I think its important to mention that this is all spoken in a cold blooded matter of fact almost threatening tone.